The Quiet One
by Aileene
Summary: A series of unrelated one shots dealing with RobRae and SpeedyRae, but all involving Raven. Dedicated to Alenachan and Emaniahilel. Enjoy :
1. Why him?

**Another one shot series I have started, I didn't feel like this one fit quite the tone I was going for in 'Conversations' and I have a couple more ideas for this one as well. Mostly Rob/Rae and Rae/Speedy in this series. Again I want to dedicate this to Alena-chan and Emaniahilel, just because they deserve it :)  
**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, or I would have been in there with Robin/Nightwing before anyone would have blinked twice.**

"Why him?" The words echoed with his pain.

"Because he thinks about me in ways you never could and he needs me as you never will." Raven's voice was quiet, but not without emotion.

"I think about you all the time," He protested. "And I need you."

"No, no you don't need me." She sighed and shook her head. "You don't think about me first and he does."

"We are superheroes; we have a duty and a responsibility." He defended himself.

"Robin, are you angry that I didn't choose you over him, or are you angry that you lost to him?" She asked looking him in the eye, imploring him to understand.

"I…I don't know." Confusion hung thick around him as he took in her question.

She smiled and shook her head, saddened that he couldn't say what she wanted him to say, but this was why she had chosen Speedy. This conversation only served to affirm the choice she had made.

"Robin, you are my best friend and that will never change, but we aren't meant to be anything more." She continued to gaze into his face, "I don't know if you can ever be anything more. You are a superhero and you refuse to believe there might be something more available to you out there. You refuse to be human."

"You aren't human." He regretted the thoughtless comment he flung at her, but she only shook her head at him.

"Perhaps in some ways I am more human than you will ever be." She was hurt by his accusation, but she knew that it was thrown at her in anger and she would deal with her pain later. "I hope someday you learn to be more than a hero."

"I can't." He whispered and the impact of it buckled his knees, forcing him to sit on the couch they stood in front of.

"I wish I could have helped you Robin, but you would never have let me." A deep sadness and regret bled into her tone.

"But Speedy does?" His voice was harsh, but not angry. He knew what he had lost and he also knew that there would be no return from her decision.

"Yes he does, he lets me help him and he makes me human. Maybe one day you will find someone you want to be human for as well." She sat beside him, raising a hand to lie upon his shoulder and quickly withdrew it; he wouldn't welcome her touch now.

"Do you think it will ever happen?" His voice was so lost and young she considered lying to him, but she knew she couldn't.

"I don't think so Robin…you won't allow yourself to be less than a hero and when you can't be less there is no way anyone can make you more than you are."

It took him a moment to attain the meaning in her words and once he did he looked back at her, sorrow emanating off his entire being.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you." He said simply and tried a smile.

"So am I Robin," She returned his smile sadly, "So am I."


	2. Charade

**Remember that these one shots aren't really connected by anything other than a subtle thread, so don't be confused it ideas or conversation tends to overlap or ignore the previous one-shots. Saying that, this one may be connected to the next one I do with Speedy and Raven...kind of their "why him?" conversation. Thank you to Alena for Pre-reading this and giving me some ideas of how to further this series :)  
**

**Disclaimer: Same as before :P**

Silently she watched him, her eyes following his entrance onto the roof. Without any forethought they always seemed to meet here whenever one or the other had something important to say.

"Raven," He acknowledged her, almost as though he hadn't expected her to be present.

"Robin," She nodded, this was a charade they commonly engaged in and she knew her part well. "What brings you out here this time of night?"

"I can't sleep." He moved to stand beside her. He knew if he reached his hand out he would be able to touch her, to feel her. He also knew if he did that he would lose her forever. "Too much on my mind."

"It happens," She replied as they both stared out over the bay, she felt the heat of his body and the reaction deep in her bones caused her to clench her teeth.

"Yeah, why are you up here?" He asked turning the conversation from himself to her. "I thought you would be out tonight."

"Things came up," She didn't look at him, but spoke silently in her mind where he couldn't hear her; 'you needed me.' "Speedy had things to do in Steel City, he couldn't make it."

"It happens," He repeated her and sighed.

"It has been happening more lately." Raven's voice was quiet and nearly as impassive as always, but Robin heard the small lilt to it.

"Well, we are superheroes Raven; we have more responsibilities than the rest of the world." He tried to reassure her with only his words, forcibly keeping his hands to himself.

"Yes, I know," She turned to look at him, how much longer could this go on? She wondered. "He is jealous of you." She tested the water gently.

"Why?" Robin was baffled, why would Roy be jealous of him. Roy had the one thing that Robin wanted and couldn't have.

"I told him not to come tonight Robin." She continued to look at him, her gaze steady.

"You didn't have to do that Raven."

"Yes," She gave a small whisper of a smile, "yes I did, it wasn't fair to him."

"We can't…" He stopped before he delved anymore into the forbidden territory.

"I know, but it still wasn't right." She sighed and looked away from his profile. "He deserves better than that."

"He was lucky to have you." Robin's voice was edged with anger.

"Not so lucky," Raven replied.

"What do you mean?"

"He asked," She turned back to look into the masked eyes that were now staring at her in confusion, "I don't know how much luck is entailed with asking, just a bit of courage I think."

"Sometimes it takes more courage not to ask." Robin stated defensively.

"You never know," She sighed and glanced away from him, she would never have the answers she wanted from him and she felt that knowledge chip away at her heart some more. "Sometimes what we think is courage is just cowardice in disguise."

"Raven," He pleaded quietly, he wasn't even sure what he was asking for.

"I'm tired Robin, perhaps we can talk tomorrow." She pulled her hood up and stepped away from him banishing the tears as they threatened to spill.

He let her go, there wasn't anything else he could have done. He stared out at the moon and tried not to ponder what he had lost, what he always lost on nights like this.


	3. Why?

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them...if I did, I would wait outside Raven's door to 'comfort' Speedy here or bop Robin over the head for being such and idiot lol. **

**Okay, the Speedy/Rae version of 'Why him?' This could have been what took place before 'Charade' or it could be something different altogether, I'll leave that to your imagination. I may actually add a conversation between Robin and Speedy on this one later, (Alena suggested it, and it intrigues me so if I manage to get it out, all thanks goes to her.)**

**Enjoy :)**

"Why?"

"You know why," She sighed forcing herself not to break eye contact with him, "It would be pointless to try and explain."

"You already chose me," He gave a sad smile at her startled look; "You think I wouldn't know, that I wouldn't be able to read you that way? Raven, I didn't ask you to be with me just for kicks."

"I know that," She could feel his heart breaking and hers was shot full of sympathetic pain. "I just can't do this to you; I can't stop what I feel for him."

"He'll never love you." Speedy didn't say this to be cruel, just as a simple statement of fact.

"That is the one point where you are wrong." Raven turned from him and gazed out the window, forcibly keeping her face in impassive lines. "He already loves me; he just won't allow himself to act on it."

"You don't have to love me Raven," Desperate now, unsure why this girl, this woman meant so much more to him than any other. "I can love you enough for both of us."

"That's the problem Roy, I do love you." She smiled sadly and he saw it reflected in the glass. "If I didn't care about you it would be so much easier to play this game."

"This isn't a game." Now his voice was edged in anger, "This is my life Raven, my heart that you are playing with."

"Life is a game," She turned back to him, her eyes flat and serious. "It's the most important game we play and I refuse to wreck you anymore than I already have by continuing a farce that would be too painful for both of us."

"I had you Raven, how do you expect me to go back to before." He reached out and took her hands in his, "I've held your body to mine, felt your lips give way to my kiss, your body surrender to my touch. How can I ever accept anything else?"

"I don't know," She whispered, "I really don't know."

"How can you ever accept anything but everything Raven," He insisted, "Robin will never give you what you need, what you want."

"I know that, but how can I settle for something else? How can I lay in your arms and dream of him without going insane? Without destroying both of us?" Unshed tears swam in her purple eyes, making them glitter in the dim light of her room.

"I can accept your dreaming if the reality were mine Rae, I swear I can." He pleaded quietly.

"Maybe for awhile you could, but not forever." She shook her head morosely, "I won't do that to you, I care too much."

"Or not enough." He dropped her hands and turned from her, running his own hands through his red hair.

"Perhaps," She agreed and although her heart ached for him, she didn't go to him. She knew that if she touched him now all would be lost and instead of just destroying herself she would destroy all three of them.

"I don't think I can accept this Rae." His voice shook and deepened with the pain that was echoing throughout his body. Who knew a broken heart could cause so much physical pain.

"I'm sorry Roy."

"He'll kill you with his indifference Rae; I don't think I can watch that."

"It's my choice."

"I'll be waiting for you, should you change your mind." He turned towards her with eyes haunted behind his mask, face drawn in pain.

"I won't."

"When you come to me again, remember that I want forever." He went on, as if she hadn't spoken.

"Don't wait for me Roy, please." She took a step towards him, stopping when he raised a hand and stepped back.

"I can't do anything but wait for you." Now he stepped forward, quickly drawing her into his arms, lowering his head and bruising her lips with a punishing kiss.

She tasted their tears, her regret and his heartbreak. Then he was gone, only the spicy sent of him offering proof that he had been there.


	4. You won

**Okay the conversation between Speedy and Robin, taking place after the oneshot between Raven and Speedy in 'Why?**' **I am not sure I got everything I wanted to say in this, but I am fairly pleased at my first attempt of a conversation between the two. I hope you enjoy it.**

"You won," The voice and comment came from the doorway behind him, "You don't even want her and you won."

"Speedy," Robin turned from the computer screen to view the archer. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Walking into the room and taking a chair some distance from Robin, Speedy sat. He knew if he got too close, the pain and anger he felt would explode into violence. "Raven would be yours if you would only say the words."

"I have no words to say." Robin replied dismissively, ignoring the stab to his gut at the other man's words. "I would never do anything to come between the two of you anyway."

"You don't have to do anything," Speedy responded in frustration, "You just have to be."

"There is nothing between Raven and myself, there never has been." He insisted.

"There is everything between the two of you," Speedy sighed at the deception that Robin allowed himself to live. "You think because you don't speak of it that it isn't there? That the rest of us can't see it, that she doesn't see it?"

Standing quickly and moving to the large picture window in the control room, an action that unconsciously mirrored the one that Raven had made not so very long ago in her own room. "I would never say anything or do anything Roy." He said quietly.

"She dreams of you, she doesn't want to need you, to love you, but she does," Anger once again the surface emotion, he stood and stalked to Robin, spinning him around and glaring into his face. "You are going to kill her." His statement was said with cold anger.

"I've never done anything to her, nothing that could be perceived as love." Robin replied quietly.

"You went to hell for her," He shook his head again and backed off a foot, before he placed his fist in Robin's face. "You believe in her, you have a connection that goes beyond the bond that was created years ago." Shoving his hand through his hair he looked out the window behind Robin, seeing only their reflections in the darkness.

"I don't know what I am supposed to do," Robin's face was full of the torment that filled his heart, but his decision was still the same in the end. A relationship wasn't for him, it would never work, and it was too dangerous. "She knows me, she knows I will never say or do anything. She knows I can't be what she wants."

"She knows," Speedy agreed, "That doesn't mean that she won't hope, after all you are the one that taught her how to do that."

"Maybe it's time I left the team." Robin mused sadly, "In time, without me here she'll learn to not hope for me."

"Leaving won't change her heart," Speedy turned to him his voice shard as a dagger's edge. "Leaving will only make it so you can't see her torment. You will stay and you will see what you are doing to her."

"I suppose you think you can make me." Robin said with heat, wondering if a fist fight with one of his friends would make him feel better.

"If I have to," Speedy shrugged and look back out the window, he had promised himself when he came for this conversation that he wouldn't hit Robin, but his patience was wearing thin and his emotions balanced precariously. "You will be here to watch as the love she holds for you destroys her."

"I can't allow those emotions and you know why." Robin defended himself against the onslaught of images that Speedy created.

"Because you're an idiot," Speedy stated darkly, no humor indicated in his reply. "You'll both die alone because she can't do without you and you won't go to her."

"You're not being fair."

"Who the hell said anything about this being fair," Speedy's voice shook with his rage, "I lost the woman I love to a man that won't even say the words she needs."

"She'll get over me; she'll go back to you when she realizes that there isn't anything for her with me."

"You're not just an idiot, you are deluded Robin." Speedy quickly spun on his heel and left the room before he did anything he might regret later.


	5. Pretender

**And another one where Robin is being the stubborn ass that he seems to be turning into in this series :/ really I want to shake this Robin until he smartens up, maybe he will have an awakening in the next couple of ones...we'll see :) Don't hate him too much, he's just stubborn about what he thinks is right.**

**I leave it to the reader to decide who the 'Pretender' is in this story :)**

**Disclaimer: My handcuffs are still unused...so no, I do not own them.**

So he had learned to give some of himself after all, she was happy for him. Really she was.

She hid deep in the shadows that offered little comfort and remained silent though her heart longed to scream and protest the pain that echoed throughout her whole body.

She had known he would never come to her, but she had soothed herself with the fact that he would never go to anyone else either. She had lied to herself, hoped to herself; two things she fought hard never to do.

In the silence that was her friend she felt the bond they shared shatter and endured the silent screaming of her soul as he drew the woman, who wasn't her, into his arms and kiss her with a passion that Raven had always longed to feel.

"Robin," His name slipped past numbed lips and the wind carried her whisper to his ears.

The other woman entered her home and Robin turned from her closed door to look up and down the dark street.

"Raven," He called quietly, struggling to hide the pain he felt etched inside him.

"You knew I would be here." Her disembodied voice came from the shadows to his left, accusation littered throughout her tone. "You knew I was patrolling this area tonight."

As he approached her he tried to shrug nonchalantly, "I didn't think about it."

"Liar," They were face to face now, the shadows hiding them both from the world at large. "You have been steadily breaking my heart for the past five years Robin; this was yet another knife in the back."

"Some times the world doesn't revolve around you Raven." He shot back, regret covered with anger.

"And sometimes it does." She responded quietly.

"I just want you to be able to move on," He shoved a hand through his mussed black hair, "You can't wait on me forever Raven."

"Why do you think that I am waiting?" She asked suddenly.

"You're always there," He gave a slight smile, "What else am I to think?"

"I have never waited for you Robin." She said simply.

"You're always there." He repeated.

"I always will be, no matter how many times you try to break my heart," She gave a self depreciating smile. "My heart is only whole with you, I can't change that…you can't change that either."

"I am not a good bet Raven; I have other duties and responsibilities as a superhero." He sighed, wishing this wasn't so hard; wishing he didn't want to give into her so badly.

"I have never asked you to change who or what you are." She hissed at him leaning forward.

"Yes you do," He took her small, cold hand in his. "Every time you look at me, every time you say my name you ask for something I can't give."

"Won't give," She replied with another small smile.

"Can't or won't, it all ends up the same."

"Yes it does and nothing you or I do can change what is." She gazed steadily into his masked eyes.

"I don't like hurting you." He said quietly, the pain that was filling his heart spilling over into his voice.

"Then don't."

"What else am I supposed to do?" The question echoed between them.

"I can't tell you that," She sighed as the wind picked up, blowing her hair around her face. "It's time to go home."

"Yeah," He agreed, once again shutting away the emotions that threatened his better judgment. "I'm sorry."

"I know." She wondered if she would ever have a chance to be held in his arms or if he simply cared too much to ever try.


	6. Madness

**Well this one is...weird to say the least. I told you Robin needed some sort of awakening...I didn't know I meant that literally (or quite this way hmmm) I hope you enjoy :)**

**Read and Review please...it feeds a writer's starving ego **

**Disclaimer: Same as before.**

The pain started in his chest, at first it only hurt to breathe. So he went to the lab and ran a series of tests, wondering if he had cracked a rib in one of the many calls they had had lately, but the tests came back clean. Then he began to dream, every night; dark dreams, happy dreams; dreams that caused him to awake crying out in passion or fear, both intermingled until they were damn near impossible to separate. So he ran tests on his mind, determined to see if a spell had been cast or another powder released, still everything came back clean.

Then he woke up one night and remembered the face of his tormentor, "Raven," He croaked out in the darkness. Raven had been gone on assignment for a week now, out of touch and, he had desperately prayed, out of his mind.

Her scent seemed to be everywhere, the scent as mysterious and arousing as the dark witch was herself. Robin continued to fight his baser instincts, but he began to move through the day in a mindless haze; eagerly awaiting the time when his head would touch the pillow and his mind would fill with her image; her voice and once again her scent.

"I'm losing my mind." He whispered to himself in the dark, once again awakened by the terror of a bloodied Raven in his arms. "I can't do this, if I allow anything between us that dream will fast become reality." His words hung heavy in the air; talking to himself seemed far better at the moment than returning to his dreams. He got out of his bed, clad only in a pair of shorts and his mask. Robin exited his room and headed for the control room, determined to get something to drink and then head for a session in the training room, hopefully that would push the horrors from his mind.

The dim lights of the control panel were lit when he entered the room and he saw the object of his dreams placidly typing away, a cooling cup of tea sitting beside her.

Something snapped inside of him, he crossed the room in a few hurried strides and whipped the chair around until she faced him, eyes widened in surprise and then quickly shuttered.

"Robin," She nodded nonchalantly at him, as if having him glare shirtless at her was a regular occurrence. "I am finishing my report of the mission, I encountered only minor trouble."

"Why?" His eyes were a little wild behind his mask and his hands here on either arm of the chair, effectively imprisoning her in the small place between the chair and his body. "Why must you torment me?"

She just arched a brow at him, "Have you finally lost your mind? I figured you had a few more good years in you," She tapped a finger to her lips, "I am rarely wrong about things like that, it's always refreshing to be surprised."

"This isn't some joke," He hissed, leaning closer to her until she could feel his breath feather the skin of her cheek and she could smell the desperation and want rolling off him. "You are on my mind when you aren't even here. You invade my dreams with visions of things that are best left alone." His voice had lowered to a whispered growl, "It hurts to breathe without you near."

"So?" She kept her brow raised and shrugged lightly at him, only her intense training kept her from shrinking away from him and pride kept her from running. "I don't make you think of me; dream of me. I don't make you hurt. These are all your choices. I offer reality, you take dreams. I offer love and you take pain. Your choices."

"I'm going mad," He repeated the phrase he had said to himself only moments before.

"No you are not," She replied with her impassive voice, "Eventually you will stop remembering so many of your dreams, soon the pain will become a part of you and you won't remember what it is like to exist without it. In time I will only be a shadow in your thoughts, not the shining beacon."

"How do you know this?" He stood up and pushed a hand through his hair in frustration, eyeing her with not a little suspicion.

"Because I live this Robin, I have lived this for too many years to count." She gave him a small whisper of a smile that was gone almost before it registered on her face. "This is why I couldn't give Roy what he needed."

"I can't…" His voice trailed off.

"Yes, I know perfectly well what you can and can't do Robin." She stood and took a step near him until she was so close she had to look up to see his face, a trace of frustrated anger lacing her tone. "You fear this as you have feared nothing else in your life." She raised a hand and held it a fingertip away from his chest, but she didn't touch him.

His breath caught as he felt the heat from her breath on his chest, felt the heat from her hand radiated until he ached to lean into her hand, just to feel the touch of her silken skin against his. "I fear nothing." He felt like he was gasping for air, drowning in the scent and feel of her even without her touch.

"You fear this as much as I always have, the only difference is that this time I can admit my fear, I can embrace the possibilities. You run from it, hide away from what you want and probably what you need." She sighed and her breath drifted against his chest again, causing chills of lust to thrill down his spine. "Whatever happened to the hope you taught me to have."

"Hope has nothing do to with this." Now his voice was definitely strangled and he was fast losing the oxygen from his brain, he felt dizzy with his need for her. "This can't happen."

"This will happen eventually, you know that deep down." She argued gazing steadily at him, her eyes wide on his. Her cloak had been discarded when he had come in the room and her leotard left nothing to his imagination as her chest heaved with barely contained emotion.

For the second time that night he felt something snap deep inside him and he roughly grabbed her arms, forcing a gasp from her. Whether from surprise or worry neither one had time to think, before his lips were roughly on hers his hands at her back pulling her in closer. Her hands on his muscled arms, tightening as they met in a war of wills and passion; one where neither was the loser.

They broke for air, her body pressed hard against his; both panting for breath. "This will happen whether you want it or not. There is such a thing as destiny." She whispered before she disappeared from his arms.

"RAVEN!" He shouted, bolting upright in bed. His blankets a tangled mass around his legs, his body covered in a glossy sheen of sweat.

"There is such a thing as destiny." He thought he heard the whispered words again and he shuddered, but with fear or desire he wasn't sure.


	7. Love Hurts

**ACK...I am not even sure what this is, it was meant to be a simple talk that ended in friendship between Speedy and Raven...but he doesn't want to let go, so then it was going to be Speedy and Raven getting together...then Robin wouldn't let go...damn these characters and their own ideas. ** **So please be gentle, but read and review :)**

**Disclaimer: SO very not mine...they all have a mind completely their own.**

"Raven?" The name was turned into a question…a concern.

"I am fine." She gave the answer that she had been giving for the last two weeks, the lie that made her heart twist when she saw the disbelief on her friend's expressions.

"Fine doesn't lock themselves away," His voice was anger to cover his worry, "Fine doesn't run away from their friends."

"What does it matter to you?" Raven turned to look at him, no anger in her tone. Over the last few weeks she had reached a new level of apathy when dealing with him, no one would know how her heart bled every time she heard his voice; no one would know how her mind screamed at each look he sent her way.

"Stop pushing me away," He sighed and shoved a hand through his hair, "Are you taking lessons from Robin?"

She stopped; her mind and her movements froze at his words. "Roy, I…I'm sorry." To no one else would she have apologized for her behavior, but Speedy deserved more than what she was giving him. So much more than she would ever give him.

"No, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." He tried a smile, wondering if his lips still knew the movements. "I'm just tired, this whole situation hurts."

"I should never have said yes to you." She whispered, eyes turned from him and on the horizon. The sun had set, but the moon had yet to rise so they stood in the dusky twilight, each immersed in their own thoughts.

"I don't regret that Raven," He replied carefully, above all else he would remain her friend if he could no longer be her lover. "Even if I had known what was to come, I wouldn't have avoided those months together."

"They were good months." Her voice softened with memory, "I'll never have that with him you know?"

"I know." And he couldn't stop the thrill of triumph knowing that he had given her what Robin wouldn't; that he had held her when Robin wouldn't and that she had come willingly to his arms with a smile on her lips. "In a way I am glad."

"Yes," She gave him a hint of a smile from beneath the shadows of her hair. "So am I, memories like that are few. I never did thank you for giving them to me."

"I didn't do it just for you," This time that old familiar smirk settled on his face. "It was for rather selfish reasons as well."

"What is love if not selfish?" She swept back her hood and hair to look him fully in the eye. After all hadn't she been selfish in her own way?

"Love is exactly what is tearing us both up," He paused, unsure of whether or not to say what was in his mind. "Love is what causes bird boy to act the way he does, if he didn't love you he wouldn't run and fight so hard."

A gentle smile of longing curved her lips and reached into her eyes, "I know that too, they say you can't choose who to love, but no one told me that the heart could or would choose twice."

"You chose him in the end Raven, isn't that what matters?" He winced at the harshness in his tone, but she just nodded at him slightly as she took his question at face value.

"Is this the end?" She asked solemnly, "I have been through many ends in my life; this doesn't really have the feeling of finality to it."

"Maybe because it didn't end the way you wanted." He tried to ignore the pain in his heart when she nodded at him again. He tried not to notice how beautiful she looked in the approaching night; he tried to simply be a friend.

"Roy, I don't know what I want and that is my problem." Feeling absurdly vulnerable under his suddenly sharp gaze she shifted away from him to watch the moon rise. She had learned while they were dating how to open herself to him, but this was more like rubbing salt in an open wound for her and she was sure it was no more pleasant for him.

"I thought you wanted Robin, I thought that was why you sent me away." He was baffled by this turn in her mind, she had been so sure…so determined when she had told him that they were over. "What do you want Raven, don't think, just answer."

"I always think before I answer," She replied dryly. "I want the impossible. You never went away really. How was I supposed to know how accustomed to you I was, how was I supposed to know that you would visit my dreams. I thought I did what was right, now…" Her voice trailed off.

He tore his gaze from her still form and he too watched the moon begin it's slow ascent."I won't ever go away Raven; I care for you too much to disappear from your life. I am not Robin, I am not going to ignore what I feel and I am not going to force what I think should happen onto you."

"I'm not playing games Roy," She gave a shrug of her shoulders that he caught out of the corner of his eye, but he still didn't look at her. "I'm not someone who wants to cause pain, at least not emotional pain. I don't want this." She whispered indicating the emotions that were running rampant within them both with a wave of her hand.

"You couldn't play games if you tried Raven," He gave a quick smile her direction before turning his attention back to the sky. "You may not think so, and Robin may not see it, but you wear every emotion that you feel in your eyes. I can read you; I could before I asked you to be mine. I knew how you felt about Robin, but I knew that you had feelings for me as well. I hoped that in time you would move past him, I forgot what an integral part of your life he is and he was."

"Love hurts." Was her reply, distant and full of unrecognized pain.

"Don't give up on the idea of us Raven, think about it." He barely kept the pleading out of his voice and he resolutely stared blankly out at a moon he had long stopped seeing.

"I never stop thinking about you." She turned to him and he mirrored her position, "But I never stop thinking about him either. My mind is leading half my heart in one direction and the other half of my heart doesn't know whether to hold onto the past or to move forward." She shook her head as she tried to make her thoughts clear. "I can't ask you to wait and I won't."

He gave a self depreciating smile, "You don't have to say a word Raven, and I will wait until the end of the world if I have to. He may have rescued you from hell, but I am the one who held you at night when your nightmares of that place wracked your body with sobs and soaked your skin in fear. I'm not going anywhere."

Slow realizations spun through her mind, he was right. Robin did love her and he had rescued her from hell, but then he had left her to deal with the consequences of that afterwards and it had been Speedy's arms that had held her, rocked her and soothed her until she could face the dark again.

"Whatever you decide, whatever you do, stop running from those of us who want to be your friends." He laid a hand on her shoulder and they turned as one towards the roof door.

"I just need time and I may never make the decision you want." She eyed him out of the corner of her eye as they headed in the tower.

"I know," He smiled at her and again ignored the intense pain he had at the thought of losing her forever. "I just…I just want you to be happy and sure of your decision." And he realized that whatever she decided in the end, whatever happened between them that this statement held more truth than anything he had ever said before.

"You're a good man Roy," They stopped at the door to her room. "Maybe too good of a man for me."

"No man is good enough for you Raven, never doubt that." He bent down and feathered a kiss across her lips, "But I would do my damnedest to be what you needed." He turned and walked back down the hall towards the control room, hoping to find distraction in Beastboys's antics or Cyborg's technical talk; or hell a fight between the two of them over tofu and meat would be welcome right now.

Raven entered her room and leaned back against the door after it had shut. What was she going to do? Why couldn't love be simple? Why couldn't it place him in either the category of lover or friend? Why did she have to want both?

So many questions buzzed around her head that she felt dizzy and this was probably why she failed to notice the presence outside her door or feel the emotions swirling around the hallway where she had stood only moments before

Robin leaned against the wall next to Raven's room, a little sick at what he had seen and fully understanding why. Speedy wanted Raven, no matter that she had sent him away, he never left. Robin knew why this bothered him and there was no longer any sense in lying to himself.

"I love her," He whispered almost inaudibly, "I don't want to lose her." Stunned at his revelation, angry at this awakening he felt a pain sear through his heart and gut. Unsure of what it was he stood in the hallway unsteadily. "Who knew love would hurt so much?" He asked the shadows and finally moved off to his own room to brood on the matter and more so, on what he was supposed to do about it. If anything should be done at all.


	8. Tired

**It is early, but this is part of a birthday gift for Alena-Chan, she asked for another chapter to this fic, so here you are my friend :) I hope your day is full of cake and laughter. Once again, neither of the star players does what I told them to do...in the end you get this instead of closure lol.  
**

**Read and Review pls :)**

She was tired; tired of fighting the need to go to him, tired of fighting the ache to hold on to him. Raven was tired of it all, tonight she would fight nothing. Tonight it would be all placed in his hands once and for all.

She knew what the outcome would be, but perhaps having her heart so broken would give her a chance to heal; to move on.

It was night and she sat in the control room waiting for him to return from his patrol. She went through their duty roster and set up training times for the next few months, she made sure that everything was filed in the correct places, and she waited in the dark.

The glow of the computer screen gave her a ghost like appearance, or so he thought as he watched her from the doorway. He had known she would be up, she always waited for him. 'Just to be sure,' She always said.

"You don't have to wait up for me." It was an old comment, one that she would agree with and then do what she wanted regardless.

"I'm not." At least she would never admit to it, not to him. "Reports have to be filed by someone." She didn't turn her chair to look at him; his image was engraved on her mind. He was tall, rawboned, and beardless with an ingenuously appealing face…what wasn't hidden behind his mask anyway.

Robin strode across the room, his movements confident and sure. He took the chair next to her and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Without meaning to, Raven swiveled her chair slightly to get a good look at him. In the dim glow of the screen he looked tired, as if the burden he carried every day was finally beginning to weigh heavy on his broad shoulders.

"What is it Robin?"

A melancholy frown flitted across his features. "It isn't something I can talk about Rae."

"Very well," She managed to reply through stiff lips, unsure of why his reply hurt so much. She stood and turned to go, she was tired; but she was also too afraid to do anything but leave.

"Wait," He sat up and grabbed her hand to pull her around to look at him. She stood looking down at him, he tugged her a little closer until she was in between his thighs and he was sure she wouldn't run. "My problem is you Raven."

Her mouth took on an unpleasant twist, "I'll leave you alone then."

The temperature in the room dropped at least ten degrees and Robin had to force himself not to shiver at the look of despair and anger that surfaced in her gaze.

"I saw you the other night." He didn't know why he was starting there, all the planned words had left his mind the instant he had decided to talk to her about it.

"You see me every evening Robin, what does that have to do with anything?" Carefully she tried to wrap herself up and insulate her heart from the pain he was sure to cause.

"Speedy loves you," He said smoothly, with no expression on his face. "He would have gone to hell for you if he'd had the opportunity."

She stilled her expression and her movements. "I know that Robin, better than you do."

"Then why aren't you waiting up for him?" He watched a dim flush race across her pale and beautiful features. "You do love him don't you?"

"Yes," She mused over his question before continuing. "In a way I suppose I do, but I don't love him the way that he deserves to be loved."

"Because of me?" He felt a little spark ignite in his chest, maybe he hadn't screwed this up after all.

"Maybe," She wasn't being coy, she really wasn't sure anymore. "Maybe you're just a habit now." She gave a small shrug. "I don't know anymore. I'm tired; you…this…I am so tired." She closed her eyes and with her free hand she brushed her hair back from her face.

"Is it too late then?" Robin didn't know that a heart could split in two, or that the pain could make someone so breathless. "Tell me it isn't too late to take a chance."

"A chance?" A dark laugh escaped her lips and she pulled away from him, stalking a few feet towards the door before turning in a rush and moving back to him. "You want to take a chance now? You get to decide that now is okay to…to try me out?"

"That isn't what I meant and you know it." He felt heat rise in his face, he tried to tamp down on his anger and frustration. "I love you Raven, you know I do. I just want a chance to show you, to see if we can be."

"I'm tired Robin," She stepped back when he stood and moved towards her. "I am tired of having my heart broken daily by you."

"I'm tired too Raven," His eyes pleaded from behind his mask. "I'm tired of fighting against one of the few good things to ever happen to me. I am tired of pushing you away because of fear. I am tired of wanting to hold you and not."

"You ask more than I can give you now," She whispered, voice drenched in pain. "Maybe it is too late for us; maybe it is time I moved on."

Robin wouldn't accept her words; he couldn't, not now that he had finally broken through his own resistance. "Why? Because I am not safe anymore?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It was okay for you to love me, to want me; as long as I kept pushing you away, because then you didn't have to commit top anything but a dream." He smiled darkly and moved closer to her, leaving her no room for escape by blocking her in between him and the console.

"You have no idea what you are talking about." She bit out in anger, her eyes darting around him to find a clear path to the door. "You don't have any idea of how I feel, of how I have felt." Finding no escape she turned away from him and wondered briefly if she could use her powers fast enough to port away.

He reached out, swinging her around to face him. "You're right. I don't know, I don't know anything but what you've told me and what I have felt through this bond of ours. What I do know is that I need you Raven, more than want…maybe even more than love. I need you."

"I know all about need." She replied softly, her body trembling visibly in his grasp. "I just don't know if I can Robin, I'm sorry. More sorry than you can know." She took a deep breath and ported away from him before he could stop her.

"Raven," He called her name as his hands grasped the air where she had stood a moment before. "One of us is always running away." He muttered darkly to himself.


	9. Alone

**Okay, yeah...another gift for Alena :) This was supposed to be very serious, but Speedy decided he needed a little humor as he was feeling too vulnerable and that just wouldn't do. Also had to bring in some of the others, since they haven't been in here yet and that is just rather odd lol.**

**Read and Review :)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

Alone. In the quiet depths of meditation, Raven was alone. She enjoyed the silence that surrounded her; the warm comfort the nothingness of this place brought to her. Here she didn't have to feel; she didn't have to want, she just had to be.

Yet even here, his face intruded, as the images were wont to do lately. His arrogant smile; the way his body stood and his arms flailed when he was trying to make a point; the warm caress of his voice when he was concerned about her.

Raven had thought that he would simply fade into the background now, especially with the confessions that Robin had made, but Speedy's image only became clearer with each passing day.

Speedy had been spending a fair amount of time at her tower lately; with the new Titan recruits training at the East Tower he had more time on his hands to visit. He never pressured her to spend time with him, but she could feel his soft gaze on her even while he talked with the others.

What was happening to her? Was Robin right? Did she only want what was safe? Or had the haze been lifted from her eyes, showing her the choice of her heart?

So many questions and so few answers; so here she sat in the dark comfort of her meditation and wondered if it was possible to stay here and not go back.

"That would be hiding," An inner voice reprimanded her. "And we do not hide."

Raven felt her lips pull into a sardonic smirk; even her inner voice lied apparently. She hid whenever she thought she could. She never shirked her duty as a Titan, but she hadn't wanted to face the prophecy of her birth and she had hidden long and hard from that.

"Yet you stood and walked forward when necessity called for you." The voice reminded her; Raven nodded mentally in agreement, but the smirk stayed in place.

"What is so amusing?" His voice breathed into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

Pulling herself from her meditation she opened one eye and glared at Speedy, "I'm meditating." She enunciated each word to drive home the point.

He just winked at her and smiled, shaking his head. "Nope, you were meditating, now you are talking to me."

She couldn't help the pull of her lips, even as she fought to keep her mouth in a scowl she felt the smile flickering at him. "You're incorrigible."

"Yeah?" He smiled and moved around to stand in front of her; leaning back against the window, not at all bothered by how high up they were.

"Completely," She twisted her mouth into a grim smirk and gracefully unfolded from her meditation pose, when he was in a mood like this there was no stopping him. "Might I ask why you felt the need to intrude upon my meditation, you know how important it is."

"You were smiling," Speedy crossed his arms at his chest and crossed one leg over the other; the perfect vision of arrogant male, although the red spandex took away from it some. "That happens so rarely lately I wanted to know why."

Raven rolled her eyes heavenwards, "You wanted to know why?" Unconsciously mimicking him, she crossed her own arms at her chest and glared at him.

He tilted his head, eyes twinkling and his smile bright, "You keep repeating everything I say Raven, I don't know that that constitutes a conversation." The devilish gleam in his eyes deepened.

"Roy," She sighed at a loss for how to deal with him, as she always was lately. "You talk, I talk…this is a conversation."

"You never answered my question Rae; I am beginning to think you're avoiding it." He arched a brow and wagged a finger playfully at her.

'On second thought,' she mused inwardly as his movements drew the fabric of his uniform taut across his chest. 'Red spandex isn't so bad.'

"And what question was that?" She shoved the lustful thoughts away turning back to the conversation at hand and wondering how soon she could leave without making him worry.

"What was so amusing?" He quirked another smirk at her before reaching out moving a tendril of hair behind her ear, surprising her.

"Nothing really," She said, surprised again by this unpredictable man.

"Come on Rae; share the reason for your smile." He pleaded in a teasing tone, with a hint of an underlying emotion she couldn't name. "I know Robbie boy finally stepped up, could that be the reason behind such a rare phenomenon?"

Ahh, pain. Pain was the underlying emotion behind this suddenly playful attitude. Speedy was sure that she had given herself heart, soul and body to Robin and he was trying to preserve some sense of friendship; trying not to lose her. Now that she knew what it was, she swore she could feel the pain of his heart laying shattered in his chest.

"No," Her voice was calm, her gaze steady. The world that had been spinning around her was suddenly still and she knew peace. "No, not Robin."

"Well, don't hold your cards so close," He laughed a little hoarsely, but she could read the true emotion behind his eyes now. "Let me know who my competition is, I need to prepare." For an instant wistfulness stole into his expression before it was once again masked behind arrogant humor.

She leaned lightly into him, tilting her face toward his. "You don't have anything to compete for."

"Oh," He swallowed sharply; painfully. "Sorry Rae, I didn't mean it like that." He searched his mind and tried to think if any other woman had ever made him want to curl up and cry as often as she did, but he couldn't let go.

Raven sighed in exasperation, "Roy, the smile…that stupid smile was about…"

"Hey Rae!" Cyborg's deep baritone voice interrupted them, "We're going for pizza, ya comin'?" He skidded to a stop with Beastboy right behind him, "Oh, hey Speedy." A suspicious gleam began to shine in Cyborg's good eye. "Didn't know you were here,"

Beastboy poked his head out from behind Cyborg, "Hey were you too kissing?" At the three separate glares he received, Beastboy decided he would wait in the T-car for the rest of the team.

"Come on Speedy, you need to eat if you're going to have your strength up for the obstacle course." Cyborg said with false cheer, crossing the room and insinuating himself in between the other two Titans; throwing a 'brotherly' arm around the red-haired archer and walking him out the door as he spoke.

"Obstacle course?" Speedy asked confused and a little irritated, he needed to know what Raven was going to say. "I'm not doing the course this week."

"Oh, but you are." Cyborg smiled toothily, he hadn't been able to do much when Raven had started to date Speedy, but they weren't together anymore and Cyborg was not going to let his little sister get her heart broken in round two. "Unless you think you're not up to it? Well then I completely understand, you've been looking a little ill lately. Might be best if you came into the infirmary to have a check up."

Starting to pick up on where this was headed Speedy shook his head, "Naw, I'll take the course…after pizza." He looked back over his shoulder to where Raven was standing with a contemplative frown on her face. "I'll, uh, talk to you later Rae, okay? We can finish our conversation."

"Of course," Raven gave a tight smile and wondered briefly which dimension would suit Cyborg the worst. "Later."

Alone again; as unsure as ever, but she had been willing to take the chance. Alone, maybe some people are meant to be alone; maybe she was one of them. She bit her lip and turned to look out the window at the fast setting sun, wondering if the interruption had been a bad thing. Too soon to make a decision, she was sure when she was with him, but as soon as she was alone her heart and mind were in turmoil once again. That alone set alarms ringing in her mind.


End file.
